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• 08:15 Holy crap, I walked by on my way to work. Saw the cops :( www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10617510 #

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I didn't for a second think I was looking forward to that day, far from it, but boxing day plus a few hours (due to the usual inability to sleep) it turns out there was certain degrees of anticipation. Some verging on possible enjoyment.

I've been totally flat today. I don't think I moved more than an inch other than to go buy smokes and make a turkey sandwich

T'weren't a bad day. Nobody liked their presents mind you lol. Although I actually quite quite did. I am lying here in my new jim-jams and new socks and can view my new plain but rather customisable so I can make it my own bag.

I had deep seated fears that eating in front of the family would not turn out well. My sister and her boyfriend were there so there was really no escape from the Christmas table if I panicked...and I have been panicking quite a bit lately! But it was fine, in fact it was edging on enjoyable. Even the food was good.

I just wish for once I could say I was happy. It seems like a long time since I have been. And that is SO not like me in spite of much evidence to the contrary. I never did understand depression. For me it was an hour or so and then I would be distracted by something shiny.

I know I have been a bad friend this year, and that is not exactly helping me feel any better. I think my sense of self worth hit the bottom and crawled through to the Earth's core well towards the start of 2009. You could pretty much say anything negative to me right now and I'd shrug. It's not something I haven't thought of myself. There's 24 hours in the day and even those I'm sleeping through remind me of it.

Still, t'wasn't meant to be a retrospective on all that shit. I wa just thinking as I wrote and hoping to clear my mind enough so I could actually get some kip.

What I did want to say is that I love and adore all my friends that have kept me going over the past year. I think a large amount of us can chalk this up as being a bad one, but the occasional comments and the venue to let some of my own shit out have kept my head above water. Don't matter if you're my closest friend or most infrequent acquaintance, I know each and everyone of you are there and I appreciate it more than I can ever say.

Fuck the past year. It can bite my fat ass. If the next one turns out just as bad then at least I know there are people out there who will poke me repeatedly if I don't reply within a few days. And I will actively try to be a better friend because of them.

Merry Christmas, my loves! And by Christmas, I mean, whatever brings light into your life this time of year. <3 You all bring it into my own.


Today I plan to eat more gingerbread cookies from yesterday and dive into the (flourless) peanut butter cookies my dad's friend brought us yesterday also. Om nom nom!

I hope everybody who is celebrating today has a wonderful time with family and friends and gets everything they hoped for. <3

(Also a posthumous happy 96th birthday to my grandmother. :P)

Zeb shares her Christmas wishes and shares her Christmas Day.

Originally published at Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!. » Click here « to leave any comments.

I hope it's a great day for everyone, whether you celebrate or not.

I love the whole lot of you!

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! Last Saturday I pulled tecbellanne's hair (-5 points). In February I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). Last Sunday avocado_love and I robbed a bank (-50 points). Last Friday I helped girscupcake hide a body (-173 points). Last Wednesday I punched lokiloku in the arm (-10 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-219 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, tehlobster

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

... *grin*

Merry Christmas, guys! I hope all who celebrate are spending it with loved ones. :D My dad and I are making cookies today.

Merry Christmas, and happy holidays to friends and strangers who read this :)

Hoping your 2010 is a fabulous one!

Have not been doing much, as I've been SUPER tired. By which I mean, last night I went to bed like around 5, and did not get up until 6:30 this morning. Then, by 8:30, I was already exhausted again!

Srsly, do other people live life in a state of perpetual exhaustion or is it just me?

Oh well, have a meme. Not that I expect much of it, lol. :P

ANON CRUSH MEME

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• 18:36 Someone is playing a piano outside. Evening sunlight, cool sea breeze. Bliss. #

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Since I was about 15 I have had a tendency to work during Christmas day. I stick my head in a book and just study. Odd as I never want to any other day of the year...except my birthday.

That really doesn't last long mind you.

Before and after I feel depressed as I don't have anybody I love to share it with. The day itself I just deal by drinking red wine with coke and disappearing from the family for long periods.

It's not a happy day and it's not a sad day. I think this year will be shit though. I am really going to miss my Rarr cat.

I got off my butt and Christmas cards will be going out tomorrow-today (it's 6:18 Sunday morning and I haven't slept - incidentally, nor have I made myself gingerbread :P). I have one left now but I'm sure the missing address will contact me soon. The other 16 are ready! Yes, I know mail doesn't move on Sundays. Whatever. It'll still be put into the mailbox at the post office in Belpre. That counts.

Anyway, I noticed that my cards are going out to three mutually exclusive groups of people. Which makes sense, as my flist is mostly made up of three mutually exclusive groups. (The one exception to my cards is Erin, my roommate from CTY. There are a few other exceptions on my flist, but not many.) It's interesting how it sorted out, because the size of the groups are directly proportional to how long I've been in them. All of you but Erin were one of the following, in order from greatest to least:

From Neopets: 9
From Avatar fandom: 5
From HiH: 2

In conclusion, I am dork. A dork who used to play Neopets a LOT. And who finds weird stuff interesting.

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• 11:05 Would love to get peoples' thoughts on this | bit.ly/78yH3C Keeping track of expenses & setting budgets. #
• 12:59 Sleeping... feel like a lazy Sunday afternoon siesta. #

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So I'm no longer sick, which is the good news. The bad news is I am totally out of sync. I slept from 9:30 am to 7pm. So yeah!

It also snowed like a TON last night and, I can't say this enough, I'M GOING TO AVIGNON, AAAAAHHH! (Thanks for all the happy comments on my last post, btw! :D)

I still need to do Christmas cards. Shit. I hope y'all enjoy your, uh, St. Patrick's Day cards, 'cause that's about when you'll get them, going on my schedule. I fail.

But I also have not made any gingerbread for myself yet either, so, uh, at least we are missing out together?

The only useful thing I've done in days is finish up my 2009 New Year's resolution. Yup, I kept it up for the whole year! Go me! It was for today's prompt in 31_days, "there is no use in right or wrong", and can be read here: He Sees the Dawn. (Azula, Zuko, G. Spoilers for Zuko Alone.)

My previous 11 ficlets for my resolution are linked in the sticky post at the top of my journal, currently one post above this one.

Zeb admits to a collectorholic addiction and is keen to know how others would deal with the situation, and also shares the Christmas exchange she received.

Originally published at Pretty n' Rare. » Click here « to leave any comments.

So am curious, what does everyone do to keep track of their expenses and budget?

Do you have a specific thing you follow?
Any programs you use to help you with this?
What about hidden things to watch out for?
Do you have several accounts where money gets siphoned to e.g. savings, emergency, bills etc?
What savings plan are you on, if any, and whats the bank and interest rate?

p.s. don't forward me to that Sorted website, I didn't find it terribly useful.

( Which Avatar Nation I am behind the cut )

Big surprise. XD


I was sick all day. I'm really sick, like flat-on-my-back sick. I'm getting really shaky. I dunno, I think I need to lie back down.

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• 20:32 If anyone in Auckland knows of a possible renting/flatting situation coming up in January, please tell me. #

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Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2009. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review."


JAN: I've been busy busy busy since last... Saturday.

FEB: I have... a LOT of really, disturbingly early memories.

MAR: *wakes up* Man, my throat really hurts.

APR: Yeah, yesterday was slightly more exciting than I would have preferred.

MAY: So I'm halfway through the quarter, and I'm pretty sure I'm depressed again and I'm pretty sure school is causing it.

JUN: If anybody recalls, I was all swamped and overwhelmed and depressed and a few weeks ago I decided that THIS MUST NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

JULY: Sorry I've been MIA.

AUG: I was out grocery shopping just now with my dad, and we stopped at Foodland and the local farmer's market, and both places we ran into the mom of a friend of mine from high school (and elementary school, and preschool, you get the idea).

SEP: I am up way too late for any sane person in the week before school starts, and the last book I read was Abyss, so, great combination right there.

OCT: I have a headache and need a nap, but the Internet is actually working right now, so now's my chance to actually post an entry!

NOV: My feet fucking HURT.

DEC: I was gonna wait to post this so I didn't spam y'all's flists, but then I decided not to 'cause what is a birthday without doing whatever the hell makes me happy? :D


Heh. Not a bad year in review. I complained a lot, was depressed at points but (mostly) overcame it, and stuff happened. XD

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• 15:50 Thank god for tea. When I NEED it, I can have it. Quick tea fix before I catch the bus home... aaah! #

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I have been studying non-stop all day, all day yesterday too. It's almost 4am and I've reached the point were I am not taking anything in any more.

But I got to thinking a few hours back, why AM I studying two programming courses consecutively? Is it to make life a little bit more difficult and frustrating for myself?

I've always sucked at programming, I have known this from the first day I tried it. The whole concept makes no logical sense. How can I assign a variable to something and it knows that I am assigning it as a variable? How can it know to store input in it? I know how to make it do that, but I don't why it is doing that. It's stupid and annoying learning this shit when I can't understand the basics.

So, why did I choose to do two courses on it? Well because I had to do one to complete my degree, and I figured I might as well do the other at the same time. But mostly because I hate not knowing things.

I am not stupid. I am pretty good at most things. I hated sucking at something, and not getting it even after reading it 400 times. I thought if I studied hard enough it would finally sink in and I would understand it. If I can follow an in depth programme on particle physics, even though it involved a lot of effort, I don't see why after trying and trying I can't understand this.

Maybe this is the one thing in my life I have to accept as being completely incomprehensible to me. Bit of a shame as 1) I really need to pass my exams and b) I really want to be able to design a website properly.

Whatever happens I am going to keep trying. I am too stubborn not to!